Question by That Girl: How does a good parent respond to ludicrous suggestions from a teen?
My 15 year old daughter just told me that she wants to dye her hair blue. I made the mistake of laughing. I honestly try hard to be an approachable mother. I am all she has in this world and she is all I have in this world. However, she is now insulted and says she cannot tell me anything because I am so critical and superior and should not have laughed. I apologized and tried to ask her to show me a picture of the blue she wanted to use, but she said forget it. I feel terrible that I’ve hurt her. Her feelings are so delicate these days.
I feel like the world’s worst mother. Can someone please help me to know how to respond when my daughter hits me with things like, “I want to dye my hair blue” and “I want to poke holes in every body part” and “I’m getting dreads” or “Don’t you love this beautiful skull and crossbones tattoo?” Help me to know how to respond correctly for a change so that I don’t hurt her like I just did.
Best answer:
Answer by USA
Like this:
http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ZickYUqJk6eaaM:http://www.mediamour.de/wp/wp-content/uploads/2006/08/whackYourBoss.jpg
Answer by ??r?ly? ?v???s?????
Wow, don’t let her do that.
She’s gonna hate it afterwards.
Say that her hair will fall out, which could really happen.
Answer by JoKTM
You answered the same way mymom did when I was 16 and dyed my hair redish pink (pink wasnt on purpose). You were in a lose lose situation. If she really wanted to do it, she would have just done it.
When i got my frog tattoo all my mom said was “Please tell me its fake.” I said no and she smiled and nodded. No girl expects her mom to be happy when she does stuff like that.
I was delicate at 15-16 too and I promise everything is ok.
Answer by Trevor S
OK this answer is coming from a guy who a very short time ago used to be a teen. You have to let her grow up. Apart from anything harmfull and too stupid let her experiment. Now Im not saying let her go smoke weed, get drunk, shoot heroin or anything like that. But let her dye her hair, whats the wrost thats going to happen, shes going to hate it? If she does then she will have learned her lesion. Growing up is all about making your own mistakes. I remember when I was a teenager I wanted to go offroading with my truck. My parents said what ever you do to it you pay the cost of repair. So i did it and totaled my truck. Now yeah my parents where pissed as hell but hey I learned my lession and am not stupid in my cars anymore. And yeah the truck I totalled didnt cost that much but it hurt my wallet a little. My point is let kids grow up let them make their own mistakes and they will grow up for them. And you know what? they will thank you for it.
Answer by Psychophathia Sexualis
ok, so this may sound far off but just take it into consideration.
my psychology textbook was saying things about how the best way to really raise a kid is to let them make mistakes… it had an example of a child wanting to carry a “grown up bag” that was full of heavy things, so rather than saying no, the father allowed him too carry it and then realize it was too heavy, so the kid simply decided he did not want to carry the heavy bag.
if you take it into your context, you can let your daughter dye her hair blue (ok well i died my hair blue when i was in high school, and i LOVED it, but thats besides the point)
if you feel she will regret it, let her regret it, as she will learn more from her own mistakes rather than having you tell her simply no.
so by allowing her to make decisions and possibly face ridicule from her peers, she will learn whether she wants to continue or not on her own, rather than just having a big blow out with you, her mother, and causing more anger and resentment than is necessary.
Answer by Lili <3
why not say she can dye under neath part of her hair blue for her birthday if she saves up her money. that way she has to wait to see if she really wants it AND save up her money
Answer by •a l i c e•({SPACS})
Hmm. My guess is she is only doing it to get attention or to fit in with other people at school.
Most schools won’t even let you dye them those colors.
Anyway, I asked my dad if I could get my nose peirced(just a tiny diamond on the left side) and at first he said no, then I asked him to really think about it. His exact words were . . .
“Ask your mawmaw. If she says you can, then you can.”
Try that one. It worked for me.
And, this isn’t my place to say this, but she shouldn’t talk to you like that. She should honor your opinion.
She is your daughter, you know what is best for her.
With all the respect in the world, love her, but put your foot down and set some ground rules. I see these people with peircings and tatoos and I just know that they are going to hate them when they are older.
I’m 16. I know how most teens think. Sorry this was so long.
Answer by {¢lårê}
Well, she is becoming her own person. If she wants to die her hair blue because she feels like it will help her express herself but you don’t want her to look ridiculous, make a compromise with her. She can get a few semi-permanent blue highlights if she pays for them herself, maybe? Then, try to talk to her politely apologize for laughing at her again, say it’s great that she is unique and her own person then offer a compromise.
Answer by lammarow23
It sounds like she is trying to express herself.
Sometimes when we think we have brilliant Ideas and ask someone Else’s opinions they get put it down and we feel hurt… Everyone goes threw this at some point.
Tell her that she needs to think about life altering decisions for 3-6 months before she dose them. That way its not a compulsive decision she will hate two days after doing it. Tattoos.. I would say a year
BTW im a very Conservative mom who has always wanted blue hair! but never had the guts to do it
Answer by EminaEcstatic;
Like many others have said let her learn her lesson
but maybe let her dye it with temporary dye like that last a couple of weeks so you can get used to it and so she can figure out if she even likes it
and just because she is angry at you does not mean she hates you she just said that because she is mad that she isn’t getting what she wants us teens do that to our parents all the time
just ask her if it okay to do it temporary for your sake and so she can be fully aware of how she will look in that color it is all about compromise
